Previous England captain Lewis Moody has revealed he has been diagnosed with motor neurone disease and admitted he cannot yet face the full ramifications of the muscle-wasting condition that claimed the lives of fellow rugby players Doddie Weir and Rob Burrow.
The 47-year-old, who was part of the World Cup champion 2003 side and won numerous English and European titles with Leicester, spoke to BBC Breakfast two weeks after finding out he has the disease.
"There's a certain facing the future and being reluctant to really process that at the present time," he said.
"It's not that I fail to comprehend where it's going. We comprehend that. But there is absolutely a unwillingness to look the future in the face for now."
Moody, speaking with his wife Annie, states conversely he feels "at ease" as he directs his attention to his present welfare, his family and getting ready for when the disease progresses.
"Possibly that's shock or perhaps I deal with matters in another way, and once I have the information, it's simpler," he continued.
Initial Symptoms
Moody found out he had MND after detecting some reduced power in his shoulder while exercising in the gym.
After rehabilitation failed to improve the condition, a series of scans indicated nerves in his neurological system had been compromised by MND.
"You're presented with this condition identification of MND and we're rightly extremely affected about it, but it's quite odd because I think nothing's wrong," he continued.
"I don't sense unwell. I don't sense sick
"My indications are very minor. I have some muscle deterioration in the hand and the upper arm.
"I remain able to doing all activities. And with luck that will carry on for as long as is possible."
Condition Progression
MND can progress quickly.
Based on the organization MND Association, the disease claims a third of people within a twelve months and above half within two years of detection, as ingestion and breathing become harder.
Treatment can only delay decline.
"It isn't ever me that I am upset for," added an emotional Moody.
"It's about the sorrow around having to tell my mum - as an single child - and the consequences that has for her."
Household Consequences
Conversing from the residence with his wife and their pet dog by his side, Moody was consumed with feeling when he discussed breaking the news to his sons - 17-year Dylan and 15-year-old Ethan - the traumatic news, commenting: "It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do."
"They are two excellent boys and that was quite upsetting," Moody remarked.
"We were seated on the settee in crying, Ethan and Dylan both wrapped up in each other, then the dog bounded over and began removing the moisture off our faces, which was somewhat silly."
Moody said the emphasis was staying in the moment.
"There is no solution and that is why you have to be very strongly focused on just welcoming and appreciating each moment now," he stated.
"According to Annie, we've been truly fortunate that the primary decision I made when I retired from playing was to devote as much time with the kids as feasible. We don't get those periods back."
Player Connection
Top-level athletes are unevenly affected by MND, with investigations suggesting the incidence of the disease is up to sixfold greater than in the broader public.
It is considered that by reducing the O2 accessible and producing damage to nerve cells, consistent, strenuous physical activity can initiate the disease in those inherently vulnerable.
Athletic Playing Days
Moody, who won 71 England selections and toured with the British and Irish Lions in New Zealand in 2005, was dubbed 'Mad Dog' during his professional days, in honour of his courageous, relentless approach to the game.
He competed through a bone injury of his leg for a duration with Leicester and once caused a training-ground scuffle with team-mate and friend Martin Johnson when, annoyed, he discarded a training equipment and began participating in collisions.
After entering as a reserve in the Rugby World Cup decisive match win over Australia in 2003, he won a ball at the end of the throw-in in the critical moment of play, setting a foundation for scrum-half Matt Dawson to snipe and Jonny Wilkinson to score the game-deciding drop-goal.
Assistance System
Moody has previously informed Johnson, who skippered England to that title, and a handful of other ex- team-mates about his diagnosis, but the remaining individuals will be finding out his news with the broader public.
"There shall be a time when we'll need to depend on their backing but, at the moment, just having that sort of affection and acceptance that people are available is all that matters," he stated.
"Rugby is such a excellent community.
"I told to the kids the other day, I've had an incredible life.
"Even if it ended now, I've valued all of it and accepted all of it and got to do it with remarkable people.
"When you have the opportunity to consider your love your vocation, it's one of the greatest privileges.
"Having accomplished it for so considerable a time with the groups that I did it with was a joy. And I understand they will want to support in any way they can and I look forward to having those talks."
